Anonymous asked: Is being asexual just not being sexually attracted to someone? Also if you masturbate wouldn't you be sexual attracted to someone or is it more of a feeling of release?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any gender.
As far as masturbation goes, I wrote about it here: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/but-asexuals-cant-masturbate-2/ Sexual attraction is in no way a requirement for masturbation.
random poll, I follow a lot of ace blogs and oftentimes comes up the subject of abstinence and celibacy. Of course with asexual people they don’t necessarily want to ever have sex, so what word do you use? Of course abstinence or celibacy do not equal asexuality and vice versa but since there are…
I make this distinction:
Celibacy: Not having sex.
Abstinence: Choosing not to have sex.
(More here: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/asexuality-and-celibacy-whats-the-difference/)
I use “celibate” to describe myself, but I would drop that word in an instant if someone came up with a better alternative. (I’ve tried to think of one and have failed.) I don’t like that most people view “celibacy” and “abstinence” as complete synonyms and I especially don’t like the religious implications of the term. I’m not choosing not to have sex, and I’m not not having sex for some religious reason. I just don’t have sex, in pretty much the same way that I don’t go swimming at the beach or don’t play poker or don’t knit. I don’t have anything against it, it’s just an activity I don’t take part in.
“Hey, I’d like to know how I can improve my visibility and education effort.”
“Go hide in that cave over there.”
You’re doing it wrong.
(Cross posted over on AsexualityArchive: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/things-that-are-not-asexuality/)
Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person does not experience sexual attraction. That’s all it is. However, since asexuality isn’t well known, it’s often confused with similar (and sometimes not even remotely similar) concepts. Because of this, it’s important to point out these distinctions and differences. It’s also important to note that most of these concepts are not necessarily mutually exclusive with asexuality. For instance, even though asexuality is not celibacy, it’s possible for someone who is asexual to also be celibate.
Asexuality is not celibacy or abstinence.
Celibacy and abstinence describe behavior, they’re about actions. A celibate or abstinent person does not have sex. Asexuality is an orientation, it’s about attraction, not action. An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction, but they may or may not have sex.
Asexuality is not a lack of sexuality.
Asexuality doesn’t mean that someone can’t have sex. Asexuality doesn’t mean that someone can’t masturbate. Asexuality doesn’t mean that someone can’t wear make-up or nice clothes. Asexuality doesn’t mean that someone can’t be interested in sex. Asexuality doesn’t mean that someone is infertile or impotent. Asexuality doesn’t mean that someone doesn’t have a libido. Asexuality means that someone doesn’t experience sexual attraction, and that’s all.
Asexuality is not virginity.
Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction, and won’t suddenly start experiencing sexual attraction by having sex. Many asexuals have had sex, and yet are still asexual. In fact, many asexuals don’t even discover that they’re asexual until after they’ve had sex and start to wonder why they’re not all that interested in it.
Asexuality is not a hormone imbalance.
Many asexuals have had their hormones tested and have been found them to be within normal levels. Some asexuals have undergone hormone therapy for other conditions and have not reported any change in their sexual orientation. In general, asexual people do not experience any of the other signs of a hormone imbalance (hair loss, erectile dysfunction, depression, hot flashes, etc.), so even when they haven’t been specifically tested, they can be reasonably sure that their hormones are in order. Also, a loss of sexual interest due to a hormone imbalance is often sudden, while an asexual person typically has never experienced sexual attraction for their entire lives, so it’s not like anything was “lost”, because it was never there.
(If you do have reason to believe that your hormones may not be in order, particularly if you’ve suddenly lost the interest in sex that you used to have, go see a doctor about it.)
Asexuality is not a fear of sex.
Being asexual doesn’t mean someone afraid of sex, just like being heterosexual or homosexual doesn’t mean a person loves sex. Being asexual doesn’t say anything about a person’s opinion of sex. Some asexuals are afraid of sex. Some asexuals love sex. Some asexuals are indifferent to sex. Many people who do experience sexual attraction are afraid of sex, but that does not make them asexual.
Asexuality is not a purity pledge or a religious act.
Asexuality has nothing to do with adhering to religious beliefs and is not the result of taking a purity pledge. If one chooses not to have sex because their religion or personal beliefs prohibit it, that’s abstinence, not asexuality. It is possible for someone who is asexual to refrain from sexual activity for religious reasons, which would make them abstinent and asexual. On the flip side, there are many asexuals who are not religious and do not appreciate having religious motivations ascribed to them.
Asexuality is not a choice.
Like every other sexual orientation, asexuals were born this way. We never looked at our lives one day and thought “You know, I’m done with this sex stuff” and decided to become asexual. You cannot choose to be asexual any more than you can choose to be gay or straight. Certainly, you can choose who you have sex with or whether or not you have sex at all, but that’s behavior, not who you’re attracted to. If you experience sexual attraction and choose not to act on it, then you’re not asexual. Asexual people do not experience sexual attraction.
Asexuality is not a disease.
There’s nothing physically wrong with people who are asexual. We’re not asexual because of a tumor or a virus or a parasite. We’re not contagious. Some people like men, some people like women, some people like both, some people don’t care, and there’s nothing to cure about any of those cases.
Asexuality is not sexual immaturity.
Someone who is asexual isn’t asexual because they’ve never had sex or haven’t had enough sex. Someone who is asexual isn’t asexual because they haven’t met the right person yet. Someone who is asexual isn’t asexual because they’re hiding or repressing their sexual desires. Someone who is asexual isn’t asexual because they’re in some perpetual state of child-like naivete. Someone who is asexual is asexual because they don’t experience sexual attraction. No amount of experience or information is going to change that.
Asexuality is not a physical condition.
There are no physical signs of asexuality. Just like you can’t tell if someone is straight or gay or pan or bi just by looking at them, you can’t tell someone is asexual just by looking at them. Being asexual doesn’t mean that something downstairs doesn’t work right. Being asexual doesn’t mean that someone has no genitals.
Asexuality is not a lack of libido.
Libido is also known as a “sex drive”, that is, the desire or impulse to experience sexual satisfaction. Some asexuals do have a libido, it’s just that it’s essentially aimless. Their bits downstairs will activate and call out for attention, but that doesn’t make a person feel sexually attracted toward anyone else.
Asexuality is not a gender identity.
Asexuality has nothing to do with someone’s gender. There are asexual men, asexual women, asexuals who are transgender, and asexuals of no gender. Asexuality does not mean someone is unhappy or uncomfortable with their gender or the parts they were born with. Asexuality does not mean that a person is genderless.
Asexuality is not a relationship status.
On places like Tumblr and Twitter, I’ve seen many people say things like “Boys suck, I’m turning asexual now”. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, it doesn’t mean that you’re avoiding sex because of a bad relationship experience. If someone is avoiding sex, that’s called celibacy or abstinence, not asexuality. You can’t be temporarily asexual because of a bad break up, that’s just not how it works.
Asexuality is not a relationship cure-all.
Similar to the “Boys suck, I’m asexual” line, I’ve seen people going say things like “I wish I were asexual, then I wouldn’t have any problems.” Asexuality does not mean that someone does not participate in romantic or sexual relationships. Many asexuals will end up in relationships, and those relationships can have just as many problems as relationships between non-asexual people. In fact, if an asexual ends up in a relationship with a non-asexual person, that can lead to all sorts of problems due to mismatched sexual interest.
Asexuality is not a dry spell.
If someone hasn’t had sex for a week, that doesn’t make them asexual. If someone hasn’t had sex for a month, that doesn’t make them asexual. If someone hasn’t had sex for a year, that doesn’t make them asexual. If someone hasn’t had sex for a decade, that doesn’t make them asexual. There isn’t some span of time that someone has to go without sex before they’re granted the title of asexual, because that’s not what asexuality is. Asexuality is about not experiencing sexual attraction, not a lack of sex.
Can’t get a copy of the books? Project Gutenberg can take care of that for you:
No, I’ll just wait until I buy them.
My advice there would be to get a multi-volume set and pay attention to the font size. I’ve seen editions where they’ve crammed all 60 stories into a single 4x7 paperback book and it’s next to impossible to read. But then I’ve also seen the annotated hardcover single volume editions that are about 2000 pages long and weigh 20 pounds and are impossible to carry around.
I’m not much of a Sherlock fan yet so excuse me for my ignorance on the subject.
I mean I’ve watched Sherlock Hound and Sherlock Holmes In The 22nd Century but I’ve been unable to get myself a copy of the books. After I read every book then I’ll call myself a Sherlock found.
But I’ve been…
Can’t get a copy of the books? Project Gutenberg can take care of that for you:
I’m planning to write something about graces and I just realized that I’m not really sure what the preferred spelling is. I’ve seen a bunch of variations, but I’m not sure if there’s a One True Spelling™. People tend to abbreviate to “gray-a” or “grace” more than using the full word, so it’s hard to find what the consensus is. Even the AVEN wiki page on the subject is called “gray-a” and doesn’t have it spelled out. So, does anyone know what the preferred variant for American English would be?
Some that I’ve seen:
gray-asexual (This one seems to be the most widely used and it the one I was planning to use.)
grayasexual
gray asexual
graysexual
gray-sexual
The third preview of Asexuality: A Brief Introduction is now available for downloading at http://www.asexualityarchive.com/book/
Updates include:
At this point, the stuff that’s there is probably very close to the form it’ll be published in, however, there’s probably about another ten or twenty pages that’ll need to be written and inserted before the final draft is ready to go.
Areas left to be covered:
I’d appreciate any feedback you might have on what’s there already. It’s really your book as much as it is mine, so if I’m getting anything wrong or if there are sections that are misleading or confusing, let’s get them fixed before they end up misleading or confusing other people.
If you don’t want to contact me through Tumblr, an contact address is available on the book information page, as well as inside the PDF file.
I’m sick of the ace tags being full of people posting articles about and commenting on that Japanese neutrois person who had an elective removal of their genitals and tagging it #asexual and #asexuality. Do some goddamn research about people who {want to have a neutral-appearing body} and you’ll find out that—at least in English—it’s not called asexuality.
(This post has been edited.)
And the author of the article doesn’t want to hear how inaccurate and offensive they’re being. Comments trying to correct them are getting deleted.
And what really bugs me is that they’re trying to defend some of their ignorant remarks by quoting from the Wikipedia page on Asexuality. I find it strange that they’re quoting from a page that they didn’t even bother to read.
I am an asexual. I made the discovery in April 2011, after years of thinking that I just wasn't any good at being straight. I'm a cismale with a currently undetermined romantic orientation that lives somewhere close to aromantic, but with just enough heteroromantic touches sprinkled into it to keep things confusing.
Oh, and I'm a nerd. That could be important later.
Little by little, I'm trying to build a guide to asexuality. Hopefully these posts will be informative and entertaining to ace and non-ace alike. If not, at least it'll keep my typing fingers nimble... Either way, I don't claim to speak for all asexuals.
I also run AsexualityArchive.com.
